Marital Mishaps Appreciator Pillows

'You can't stand the sight of me, can you, Algernon?'

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

I Pagliacci

Enrico from Lucia di Lammermoor

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

'Not only the first wheel, the first road accident as well!'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

Bravo!

'Then we agree - I'll slap a gag order on your wife, and you slap a gag order on my wife.'

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

A little green monster

'Not quite the action shot we were going for!'

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'They have TWO trees!'

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

"Did you finally come to an agreement with your wife? Or am I opening old wounds?"

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

"Good heavens! Who hooked you up? This one is cable TV!"

'Do you still have my rectal thermometer?'

Ricochet

"I don't like sweetcorn".

"Look, if I'm coming across as uncaring and self-centred it's because my spin doctor wanted me to be that way!"

'I think my marriage is in trouble -- my wife gave me a traveler's check for my birthday.'

You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.

Ooops!

'I know I said you should part your hair down the middle, but...'

'What's wrong, haven't you heard of Global Warming?'

Rage!

"It was a great first date. And I loved hearing how your body stores fat differently than other people."

Madam Butterfly tells her son to leave

'... And when he said; 'Can anyone show just cause why these two shouldn't be married'. I half expected my husband to burst through the door!'