Marital Jest Lover Pillows

'I'm trying to make a point with my husband. The cake is to celebrate the second anniversary of this dress. . .'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

Fifty Gallon Head.

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

Google Translate for Marriagese

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

Must you be so judgmental?

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"I admire your devotion to duty."

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"Look, I've already told you. There's not enough room in the saucer to abduct your wife."

"Say those three little words you think I need to hear."

"That's it for assets. For liabilities, I suppose I should start with her."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

'I wish you wouldn't refer to me as your running mate!'

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.

'Your wife phones to say you left the toilet seat up in the bathroom again sir!'

"Harry! You?"

'Hmm, this wine is a lot like my wife; well aged but still bitter.'

"Separate clouds, please."

'I call it, 'Albert Was Insufferable'.'

"You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!"

"I left my wife today. Of course it was to pick up her dry cleaning and feminine products but it felt good."