Marital Jest Lover Pillows

'I'm trying to make a point with my husband. The cake is to celebrate the second anniversary of this dress. . .'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

Fifty Gallon Head.

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

Google Translate for Marriagese

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

Must you be so judgmental?

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

"I admire your devotion to duty."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Say those three little words you think I need to hear."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

'I wish you wouldn't refer to me as your running mate!'

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.

'Your wife phones to say you left the toilet seat up in the bathroom again sir!'

"Separate clouds, please."

"I left my wife today. Of course it was to pick up her dry cleaning and feminine products but it felt good."

'I call it, 'Albert Was Insufferable'.'

"You can skip all that love, honour and obey, baloney, just make him promise to put the toilet seat down!"