Marathons Gifts

How to run a marathon.

'Psst, I know a shortcut.'

Caution.

'It happens to a lot of runners at this stage of the marathon, George. It;s called 'hitting the wall'...'

Defeatist Marathon.

"No, thanks. I'm in training."

"Arlen keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took him eight months to do it."

The bittersweet joy of running the fastest 100 meters in human history then realizing you've run it the wrong way.

Man Crosses Finish Line At Heaven's Pearly Gates

"By the time I got my race number it was over."

100k Desert Crawl

'Other runners may be faster but I have the most fashionable running shoes.'

'Costume - What costume?'

'Dave dropped out. He had chest pains and trouble breathing. They think he may have competitive heart failure.'

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

'Frank keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took 8 months to do it in.'

Finish line extended 20 miles.

Runner with a kick-starter.

'Just stopped off for a few things along the way!'

'He's training for the London Marathon,he watches it every year.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

Runner buys ice cream during race.

'Oh, sorry - I'm getting my London Marathons mixed up with my Grand Nationals.'

Extreme annual fun run.

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

After 10 years, the great potato race of 1997 was finally declared a tie.

'Don't be a fool!!'

'Did I mention that Sam won the marathon today?'

'Nothing. Zip. Nada... Dude, none of these marathoners are carrying cigarettes!'

Annual 10k run of bad luck.

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'Once the endorphins kick in, it's like Heaven.'

Runners have a pay toll.