Manuscript Marathoner Gifts

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Storm in the out tray

Surfing the daily stress

Go! Means NOW!

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Editor.

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

'Office of not much budget, and even less management! Yomp speaking!'

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

'Thank you for your submission. If we're interested, we'll be in touch.'

"They have a wonderful author-editor relationship."

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

'Too many exclamation points!!!!!!'

"Tia Carmen's Bucket List: pulling a 7-day telenovela bender."

Our hero rounds the bases to the bathroom, refrigerator, cupboard and slides safely into home!

'Here's the first copy. We only printed 1000 copies of your book.'

"Sure, if this was New York, I'd be your editor and you'd be the author - but this is L.A., so I'm your agent and you're the whatever."

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."

"For goodness sake brother. Haven't you finished that note to the milkman yet?"

Captive Audience.

"They say to get over writer's block, you should write what you know about. So...I wrote about writer's block."