Manual Mastery Gifts

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

Instructional guide to scribbling

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

'I almost read an instruction manual from cover-to-cover once.'

"Sorry, but you need at least a Masters to get into the Deep Woods."

"Congratulations, dad! You won for 'Most Imaginative Maneuver' on a skateboard!"

"I'm so sorry darling: the shop was out of anti-dandruff shampoo..."

A man with a look alike lion's mane hair style.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"I tried that new detangling shampoo."

'Please don't read anything into the minutes, Ms. Thomas. Just reading the minutes will suffice.'

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

Rock, paper, scissors

Psychiatry. Your disorientation is number 2248 in my psychiatry manual. You mean my daze is numbered?

"Err... Excuse me Sir, you've forgotten the user manual for your super mini mobile."

Checking watch

Consternation/Control

'Good. Now slide the 'O' ring over the hubble's sleeve there in front of you.'

Eye Doctors. Sport Psychologists. Reception. Which focus group are you here for today?

"I know this sounds like a line, but nice shooting."

'In and out! In and out! Get it right ponies because in the real event you also have a human to look after!'

Chiropractors and the Tango.

"How long have you been delusional?"

'I've no time to read books...these are Instruction Manuals for my stuff!'

"This is why you read the instructions."

Large handbook for hand held PCs.

"There really is no need for confusion about the change in the enforcement of this law. Part 95 of section 33 of article Q in the manual quite clearly states ..."

Man with a button on his head.