Manners Monitor Pillows

'I'm surprised you weren't spanked as a child. Perhaps you should have been.'

"Yeah, well, the quality of your life is interfering with the quality of my life."

'Excuuuse me! Please don't touch my Father!'

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Gesundheit.'

'Excuse me Ma'am, do you mind if I smoke?'

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Timothy-Rex! Stop playing with the food!'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"Gesundheit!"

"Fetch! What about a please?"

Politeness opens doors

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

'Say, please.'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

'Honey, we don't stare.'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'They must have really listened to their mothers about chewing their food.'

'Shake'

Have a nice day, if you are already having a nice day please disregard this notice. (reading letter at mailbox)

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

'Why does the vicar keep saying 'Bless you' when nobody is sneezing?'