Manners Critic Pillows

'Toothpick? No, thanks, I prefer to suck food from my teeth.'

'Pass my Mallet.'

Bad mannered dog embarrasses visiting nuns.

Man Reading Over a Woman's Shoulder

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Gesundheit.'

'Excuse me Ma'am, do you mind if I smoke?'

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Timothy-Rex! Stop playing with the food!'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

Politeness opens doors

"Fetch! What about a please?"

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

"Gesundheit!"

'Say, please.'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

'Honey, we don't stare.'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Shake'

'They must have really listened to their mothers about chewing their food.'

Have a nice day, if you are already having a nice day please disregard this notice. (reading letter at mailbox)

'Why does the vicar keep saying 'Bless you' when nobody is sneezing?'