Manners Consultant Pillows

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Gesundheit.'

'Excuse me Ma'am, do you mind if I smoke?'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Timothy-Rex! Stop playing with the food!'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"Fetch! What about a please?"

Politeness opens doors

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

'Say, please.'

'Honey, we don't stare.'

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

"Gesundheit!"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'They must have really listened to their mothers about chewing their food.'

'Shake'

'Why does the vicar keep saying 'Bless you' when nobody is sneezing?'

Have a nice day, if you are already having a nice day please disregard this notice. (reading letter at mailbox)

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'