Manchester United Superfan Gifts

'Don't bother with the whole squad,Rooney and co. will suffice.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

"Dear, there's someone here to collect your soul."

'Two new NBA franchises: The 'Wall Street Bulls' and the 'Main street bears'.'

Alex Ferguson

Back in the football stadium - without face masks and social distancing!

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

Ryan Giggs

'Entente Cordiale: When Eric [Cantona]kisses the badge on his shirt it turns round and kisses him right back!'

'I know my electric bills are way over due, but could you at least wait until the Super Bowl is over before turning off my electricity?'

Die-hard soccer moms.

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

'The wife thinks I'm at Old Trafford!'

'Lenny NEVER had any problems with cramped seats at football games - like most people do.'

Soccer Fans.

Go Britain!

"I'm pretty sure my parents' homeowners insurance will cover it."

Noah's Art Sports Network. Are we all set for the Super Bowl broadcast? I think so. The turtle will handle the pregame show which seems to drag on forever. A zebra will be brought on to analyze close calls referees have to make. The sloth is in charge of slow motion shots. And color will be provided by the chameleon. Thankfully, there's a retractable roof over at the stadium. That's good. The forecast says there's a possibility of a little rain.

"Hmm, that's interesting, but can you ask the voices in your head to zip it till I hear the score?"

'Off to pay your last respects,darling?'

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

"Sure he's still Mr. Right, Beth? Up there in that Bluejays cap?"

'Darren always has to go one better.'

Police 'Did you see' sign at Man Utd.

Hand picked by Fergie...

Ryan Giggs

"Don’t tell Mommy, but it’s OK to use swear words during the playoffs."

"He can't stop digressing."

Last ESPN highlights next 250 miles.

"How old were you before you discovered our football song wasn't the national anthem?"

'Have you been buying useless football memorabilia off the internet again?'

Bruno Fernandes

Man caught in bed with football.

Sir Alex Ferguson breaks seven-year boycott of the BBC.