Manchester United Fan Gifts

Cristiano Ronaldo

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

Archaeologists discover a football

'Now what?!'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

"Go deep!"

Referee cop.

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

Football Violence

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

Red Card - Gold Card.

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

"No big screen TV to watch football for you. But I do see beer, lots of beer."

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'Last quarter, Jeremy, you dropped two passes. Could you tell our viewers how you plant to catch this pass?'