Manchester United Fan Gifts

Wayne Rooney

Cristiano Ronaldo

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Archaeologists discover a football

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'Now what?!'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Touchdown!'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

A well-known poet lives on this street. Building Supplies. I just need one. She authored a prize-winning screenplay. That offensive lineman is a novelist. My journalist friend is rejecting calls from my number. It's frustrating. I just can't escape writer's block.

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

'I'm dreading the World Cup . . .'

Referee cop.

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

Red Card - Gold Card.

"Go deep!"

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

Med School Mascots.

Football Violence

Sports Medicine.

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

Alex Ferguson

"It must be a youth culture!" (Lager, boobs, lager, babes,footie, girls,lager.)

Soccer Moms

Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen in: Changing Seasons. Does life affirm with coming fall? Leaved hit the ground, men huddle. Smashing each other over a ball. Wrestling around in a puddle. Huh? In this potpourri of hulky sights, one image is hardly the least, sir. So many changes, so many nights ... to see Eli Manning's keister. The bard of NY Giants football. Beautiful. Disgusting.