Management Speech Critic Gifts

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Office temperature.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Waste Management.

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

Employer of the month...and every month.

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

The Buck Stops Here.

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

Puppet workers.

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."

"In this office I'm the dog and you are the sheep! When I bark, you move!"

Yes-Man Training Seminar.

"It says 'how about putting a slot in the suggestion box'. Well, I don't know how that got in there."

I'm the vice president of something or other...

"I'm not sure they fully understand the concept of annual stocktaking."

Covid Podium

"The company's information flow is really simple: the boss doesn't tell the department managers anything, they don't talk to the team managers, who withhold everything from the workers."

"All those in favor of getting even drunker and blowing lunch on the working class, say 'Aye!'."

"I'm getting back to being able to enjoy the little things—like firing people."

"You're not standing in the designated protest area."

'...and here's our filing system.'