Management Musings Fan Gifts

"Here are the details for that project I wanted urgently which you have been chasing me for for months. It is in pencil as I am likely to change my mind again..."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Subordinate Employee

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

Leadership Training

The little engine that delegated

"What can we do about this leadership course,,," "I don't know,what do you think" "Isn't there anyone we could ask"

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

"Employee satisfaction is of utmost importance and I'm not leaving this chair till you are satisfied."

"The boss said this meeting's about taking us back to our origins!"

Company Structure - Boss and his yes men.

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

Carrot & nose on sticks.

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

What is the difference between a boss and a leader?

Domino Effect of Rising Gas Prices.

'Newgate, you'll be reporting to Cunningham, who'll be reporting directly to me. I, in one of those unexplainable paradoxes of the business world will be reporting to you,'

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

'The company is losing millions and the press are asking questions. Gentlemen,we're looking for a scapegoat.'

"Big surprise. That cost/benefit analysis cost up more than any benefit we've ever gotten from it."

I have the feeling we are being micromanaged...

'The union card does it every time.'

'You're not always right you know.'

"Not a parrot, Holbrook, but a compact P.A. wih a whole lot of appreciate for what I do for this country."

"And so one could say that my work examines art as an expression of objecthood where the object is neither the art nor the object but rather the practice of intentionality."

'According to these numbers, our profit will be peanuts!'

"Blitzak, this is not your cubicle."

"You're welcome to follow me, but no drafting."