Management Memer Gifts

"Does our improvement really need to be so continuous?"

Text Culture

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'We'll be outsourcing Main Street.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

'We're under a lot of time-pressure here, so we'll need to jump to conclusions.'

'It's been a tough quarter, so in lieu of bonuses, you'll all be receiving a DVD of out-takes from our meetings.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"...how would you rate me on a scale of nine to ten?"

'It was here when Harris decided to 'tweak' things a bit...'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"We're not doing virtual meetings anymore, Stu."

The Web is mightier than the sword.

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

Now, gentlemen, doesn't the smaller table make these board meetings more cozy?'

'If youth is wasted on youth, I'd just as well spend my time social networking.'

"Are you kids going to behave, or do I have to put my foot down?!"

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

Mismanagement Consultant.

'You should see a doctor. Maybe you have that West Nile thing.'

'Now, 'ol doc, he'd have wrapped 'er the other way.'

'I see your site doesn't have a 'like' button. The good news is it doesn't need one.'

"Bit if I'm here...how can I also be up close and personal to my managers?"

"And then I met some computer people who could make it look as if I were talking."

"Poison ivy? No, I said you have a poison IV. Honestly, I have no idea why we keep that stuff right next to the medicine."

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

"I hope they're not fake commandments!"

'He was a lifelong knee-jerk liberal until he got knee replacement surgery.'

'Norton, couldn't you have taken care of that before the meeting?'