Motivation Memer Gifts

Benton always rewards good work

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

Text Culture

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

'We'll be outsourcing Main Street.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'We're under a lot of time-pressure here, so we'll need to jump to conclusions.'

"Any further comments? Alright then, we're adjourned."

'It's been a tough quarter, so in lieu of bonuses, you'll all be receiving a DVD of out-takes from our meetings.'

'It was here when Harris decided to 'tweak' things a bit...'

"We're not doing virtual meetings anymore, Stu."

"Does our improvement really need to be so continuous?"

The Web is mightier than the sword.

Now, gentlemen, doesn't the smaller table make these board meetings more cozy?'

'If youth is wasted on youth, I'd just as well spend my time social networking.'

"Are you kids going to behave, or do I have to put my foot down?!"

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

Accept cookies?

'Now, 'ol doc, he'd have wrapped 'er the other way.'

The Evolution of Pop Culture Scapegoats

'I've been under a lot of pressure.' (Diver on therapist's couch).

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

"Poison ivy? No, I said you have a poison IV. Honestly, I have no idea why we keep that stuff right next to the medicine."

"I hope they're not fake commandments!"

'Norton, couldn't you have taken care of that before the meeting?'

The Potato Salad Society

'I had to co-pay for the bagel.'

'Motivational poster,'

Unclear on the carrot-and-stick concept

'Thank heaven's there are no cameras around. This would surely go viral.'

'There have been some mutterings that the partnership council is just window dressing...'

"I didn't endorse him, but I 'Liked' him on Facebook."

'The meeting was cancelled after an outbreak of contagious yawning.'