Mall Santa Gifts

"Good mercy, can we have some sort of Santa Helper standards around here please?"

Mall Santa's Anonymous: 'Holidays are always the hardest - especially Christmas.'

"There is no work right now. Everyone says to apply again next November."

"Gee, I don't know—does it really say Christmas?"

'Don't think my knees can take much more of this Santa's grotto job...'

"But, can he support you on what a store santa makes working one month a year?"

"What do you mean, 'Christmas bonus'? ... You only work here at Christmas!"

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"This planet doesn't stand a chance."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'Sorry I'm not at the meeting, sir

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"We're history, Rudolph....I tell ya, we're history."

Al, The Go-From Guy

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Pull over, Rudolph! We'll have to charge the electric sleigh again..."

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

Nutcracker Desk Organizers

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

Man sees where he's at and he's 'Where It's Not At'

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

C.P.A.