Mall Malaise T-Shirts

'I hate school shopping! I hate school shopping! I hate. . . School shopping probably won't kill me. . . school shopping probably won't kill me.'

High security Santa's grotto

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Pirates at the mall.

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

Well, look who's here.

New Mall

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'

"I have decided to go on holiday this year and would therefore like to hire one million santas for December 25th."

"excuse me...what town am i in..?"

'Please, no more meetings! I'm being ad-hoced to death!'

Why men hate shopping.

'I just love the holidays. It's such a happy time of year!'

"I can't believe we're doing this."

"Here we will build our mall."

'Philip was cute this morning. He said money's tight and I should only buy what I need.'

"I put a wet paint sign on our bench at the mall so we'll have a place to sit."