Mall Regular T-Shirts

Pirates at the mall.

High security Santa's grotto

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Trading was active in rumors, today...'

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

'I'm beset by self-doubt! BESET I TELL YOU!'

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

Complaints (just kidding).

I don't like the look of that fish! Can I help it if it had ugly parents?

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'

"I have decided to go on holiday this year and would therefore like to hire one million santas for December 25th."

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

"excuse me...what town am i in..?"

New Mall

Relax, you are now floating in hydrochloric acid...

'We're conducting a shopper-flow study for the new giant Oakdale mall.'

'I just love the holidays. It's such a happy time of year!'

'Philip was cute this morning. He said money's tight and I should only buy what I need.'