Mainstream Rebel Gifts

The Mainstream

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"I gotta be me!"

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

Pirates at the mall.

"I can do whatever I want. It's a free country. Well, at least for the time being."

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

The Choice is Obvious

First O.M.G. church.

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'The bottom line: do we wait for the government to approve it as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as a furniture polish?'

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this seminar is about how to make profits in times of crisis..."

Hey, Ernie, you're trying on costumes for the Halloween party! No, I'm finding clothes for my job at the store. I need to fit in the Christmas Decorations there. They've been up for weeks. It's too soon! I don't like decorations going up so early! Cupid's another way I could dress for work. The Valentine's Day decorations are going up right now!

FDA Ingredients

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"I blame the regulators for giving predatory pricing a bad name."

"You know... this would be as good a time as any to rotate the tyres."

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

Brain versus Religion.

Federally Guidelined

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

"He shows enormous potential."

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

"A high-powered career, a happy family, a big beautiful house: my dream is to avoid it all."

"I'm about as mainstream as you can get. I go to church, I'm all for the family, I hate Saddam Hussein, and I'm unemployed."

My new trash pickup day is midweek, on Wednesday. Hump-day dump-day!

Rush Limbaugh

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

Bassoonist cherub.

Resistance.

"There were gasps of horror as Nigel appeared holding a mug of coffee."