Mainstream Culture Gifts

"I'm about as mainstream as you can get. I go to church, I'm all for the family, I hate Saddam Hussein, and I'm unemployed."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

Dawing your Cellphone

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

Selfie Stick

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Second lifeReal life.

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

'My daughter says I'm hopelessly outdated...'

The Mainstream

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

Final words on gravestones.

Trainspotters a group of trainspotters outside a church taking down details of a Bride's wedding gown train

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

Modern Portrait Gallery

Book Worm

"You have an air of Camille Paglia about you."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"Maybe Earth's primordial soup did contain polyester."

Books*. *Batteries not included.

Geek on Wheaties Box.

"I may not know art, but I know what I like."

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"I find if I say we're having hashtag broccoli or hastag brussel sprouts, they are more apt to eat them."

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

People who understand Venn diagrams

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

"May I air-quote you?"

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.