Magical Therapy Seekers Pillows

"And I don't seem any closer to figuring out why I'm not granting my own wishes."

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Pet a Puppy

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Have you ever thought of just knocking this 'half-empty glass' OFF the counter?"

The Physiciatrist...

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

'I hate all holidays!'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

Turmoil change.

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

"When I was your age, we wished on stars. Now, we wish on satellites!"

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

Emotional Support Pest

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"