Magic Lover Pillows

'I'm so proud to be part of a profession that has never discriminated against women.'

'...Your eyes are getting heavy...Very,very heavy...WHOA! NOT THAT HEAVY!!'

You Are Now leaving Your Senses

"Magic wand, stat!"

'Funny how no-one ever asks for the cure for cancer.'

"And now I'd like to pick a member of the audience so I can look clever and they can look stupid"

"I'd like to help you out, but I've misplaced my wand."

'Sorry, kid. Anything but world peace.'

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

Magic mushroom

Magician out of work - Nothing up my sleeve, please help.

Rabbits $5.

'Pick a business card.'

Cut out and keep your own Fairy Godmother.

2 jazz musicians

'I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut up your credit card.'

"Who ordered the rabbit?"

"At least she's reading."

"Well, this is me."

"The weather has been going crazy lately. Do you have anything to do with it?"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"Ladies and gentlemen. For this next trick we will need the assistance of a nuclear physicist from the audience."

Purple Fairy

'How do you wizards decide which princes should be turned into frogs?'...

Cards Blind Dating Game

"And this is my great-uncle Harold...he was a famous escape artist!"

Witch

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

Magic Marvo and the amazing disappearing pay rise.

Magician Playing Golf.

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

'Oops, wrong sequence.'

'Did you hear me tell that gypsy woman what she could do with her pegs.'

Elephant Magic Carpet

"Did you remove the bay leaf?"