Macho Facade Lover Gifts

"Reggie 'The Butcher' Baker just found out that everyone knows his wife calls him 'love dumpling'."

Sylvester Stallone

Soldiers' Ego

Alpha males through the ages!

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

Man with many tattoos.

"One last question, Berlinger. Is it just you, or is the whole damn Accounting Department shot full of steroids?"

Toxic Masculinity

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

"Come on. One more. You got it..." "It's so cute when they do that."

"There's one telltale sign a man is interested in you....He weeps when you mercilessly mock him and all that he holds dear....It also weeds out the 'men' who are afraid to cry."

"Take no notice of George - it's just because he opened a jam jar earlier!"

'That rig has made me feel more like a man than any woman ever did.'

'John's hiding. I expect His wife gave him quiche again for lunch.'

Arm and leg wrestling.

Bill just couldn't wait for his testosterone to kick in.

"A bright smile every morning- how do you do it?"

'My speed limit is bigger than yours.'

'Will you sorry excuse for Vikings shut up and go to sleep?!'

Not wanting to seem sour or charmless, Steve smiled his way through life.

'Bad hairy-chest day.'

Macho Males: Putin and Obama

'He's a big softie really'.

The Men Thing. . .

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

'Oh yeah? Step outside and say that!'

'My mom would never let me get one before.'

'I told you it was a full bodied wine, but you just had to mess with it.'

"Now that's a splinter."

'Do you have a hat for every day of the week, Clancy?'

"Hey, Henry! How's the car?"

'I like my guys tough, you know, the kind who leave the crusts on their sandwiches.'

Not A Bookstore: Non-books that look like books for folks who don't read books, but want people to think they read books.

"Damn, I'm cool when I'm not wearing a mask..."

"Howard is my most male friend."