Luxury Foodie Gifts

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"Regular service or affected?"

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

The Ladies Who Lurch.

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

'I would kill for a truffle.'

Executive Tacos

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

'New money or old money?'

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

'I was a multi-millionaire back when it meant something.'

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

"Bingo, it's the hippy lady again! She always throws something interesting: last week it was honey-beer bread..."

Salad Hat

'It needs more barrel again, and believe me, I know - I used to be one.'

Drive-Thru Fondue

'Don't you have American processed cheese food in a can?'

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

"Pipe sludge or overpriced sparkling?"

Woman dressed as a soup can

"Oh, for God's sake, Harold, please close your mouth when you chew your food! This is a fancy restaurant."

'Satellite TV? You're spoiling that kid.'

"I wanted to eat like the French... so I am having a burger with bearnaise sauce."

'Waiter - This salad isn't appropriately dressed!'

"Sure, dead is important. But it has to taste good."

'A hot dog won't work when there's steak on the neighbors' grill.'

"I'll have the business prodigy's lunch."

Sushi - prawn trapped inside a dish holds up a sign saying 'Help Me'.

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"