Luxury Foodie Gifts

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"Regular service or affected?"

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

The Ladies Who Lurch.

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

'I would kill for a truffle.'

Executive Tacos

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

'New money or old money?'

Salad Hat

"Bingo, it's the hippy lady again! She always throws something interesting: last week it was honey-beer bread..."

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."

'I was a multi-millionaire back when it meant something.'

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

'It needs more barrel again, and believe me, I know - I used to be one.'

'Don't you have American processed cheese food in a can?'

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

"Pipe sludge or overpriced sparkling?"

Drive-Thru Fondue

"I wanted to eat like the French... so I am having a burger with bearnaise sauce."

'Satellite TV? You're spoiling that kid.'

Woman dressed as a soup can

'Waiter - This salad isn't appropriately dressed!'

"Oh, for God's sake, Harold, please close your mouth when you chew your food! This is a fancy restaurant."

"Sure, dead is important. But it has to taste good."

'A hot dog won't work when there's steak on the neighbors' grill.'

"I'll have the business prodigy's lunch."

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

Gourmet Deli - Express Check-Out: $1000 or less.