Lush Legend Gifts

'The main reason I took up the piano was, it's the only musical instrument that gives you a place to set your wine.'

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

"Walt Disney on ice."

I crawled out of a toilet and ate a guy. Say my name 3 times in a mirror. I dare you. No one suspects I'm Slenderman. She took me home. Then she woke up in a tub of ice missing a kidney. Urban Legends-in-Their-Own-Minds.

Designer Kangaroo Pocket

"Do you live nearby by any chance? I hate to eat in public."

'You can't come in here with that.'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

Shore fishing requires threading the needle.

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"Don't do it - they're trying to beat us at our own game."

Remote Control Pirate Ship.

Romulus and Remus

Suburban Legend

My first mistake.

'... But of course, if there's something more interesting outside.'

"No squirrel, but I found Jimmy Hoffa."

'You've played enough. Why don't you reel him in now?'

There are more things to life than fishing...but I ingore them.

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"I thought I'd go slowly - maybe start with a few stuffed animals in the corner."

I'm no longer welcome at the county fair.

"The dove certainly helped, but GPS really nailed it."

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

The Specimen Hunter

'Right lad. This is your first night on the beat. I want you to walk through the graveyard without whistling.'

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

"You better take Teddy's temperature too....he was awfully sick this morning!"

'Wow! How did you catch something smaller than the bait you were using?'

A man sits in an armchair admiring his little pickers and trophies of litter he has picked up which are displayed on the wall.

"I can write beautiful poems, but they all rhyme with gin."