Lung Health Gifts

"I finally stopped smoking. It's great to have clean lungs!"

America's Public (Health) Enemy #1

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

What the Doctor Ordered

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'Well, well, well...'

Lactose Intolerant

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'