Luger Gifts

Sochi. What happened to you? One minute I was coming down the track, having a great run and I just flew off my sled! It's not fair --- I'm better than the guys who won medals! This guy with the aches and pains all over is a real poor sport. Don't say it, Ernie! He's a sore luger!

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

Hiding the electronics.

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

'After years of studying the apes I've finally found a way of being accepted into their group.'

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"You took your time!" "Better latte than never"

"Braithwaite & Starbucks. How may we help you?"

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

Man skated through airport with rollers on pull bag.

"I have this nagging feeling we've forgotten something..."

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

'How did our ‘Get Away From It All' vacation turn into a ‘Take Most Of It With You' long weekend?'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Mac, when are we going to get the pickup truck fixed?'

When's the truck going to be fixed?

Mime Artist's Driver

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

Bobsled Chase.

'It's a tweet from heaven. They say if we don't stop watching them, they're going to tell God.'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

Escaping surgery.

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'I can't get this laptop to work.'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'