Luck Skeptic Gifts

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'And right here they merged...'

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Your future looks charming.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

Cupid misses his shot.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

'I say we try it.'

"I guessed my way to a perfect score on the GMAT, then I guessed my way through grad school and several middle management jobs...."

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

Made all my investment decisions with a coin flip.

The Best Laid Plans

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

Yes, but.

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."