Lottery Skeptic Gifts

'There's no such thing as a winning lottery ticket, it's all a hoax.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Bribes for Jabs

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

"Have you been scratching this?"

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

Vote Grinkley! Now you see him, now you don't.

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

'Ordinarily I wouldn't do anything like that, Mr. Hubbard, but I just hit $2 million in the lottery!'

"Where's the NHS money coming from? Well, I've decided that we will invest £10,000 a week into Euro lottery tickets..."

"You mean you blame your failure in life on not having won the Irish Sweepstakes in 1970?"

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

Remember, statistics are in the eye of the manipulator.

'So this is how they're recovering from insolvency?'

'I've only got two numbers to go on the bingo!'

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"