Luck Skeptic Pillows

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

'And right here they merged...'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

'Your future looks charming.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

Cupid misses his shot.

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'I say we try it.'

"I guessed my way to a perfect score on the GMAT, then I guessed my way through grad school and several middle management jobs...."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

Made all my investment decisions with a coin flip.

The Best Laid Plans

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

Yes, but.

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."