Loyalty Strategist Pillows

"Best friend? I can't even stand being in the same room with the guy anymore."

Others will fight for you

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'Don't worry, Alice. I won't leave you.'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

Dating the efficiency expert.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

a new hire signing a loyalty oath

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

You've Got Mail

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

"Please feel free to browse."

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"All the way from the new home in Rye just so she can sniff our old doorman."

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'Mr. Bigmeister likes to start each meeting with the pledge of allegiance.'

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

"Must that dog follow you everywhere?"

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

"I married for contrast."