Loyalty Strategist Pillows

"Best friend? I can't even stand being in the same room with the guy anymore."

Others will fight for you

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'Don't worry, Alice. I won't leave you.'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Dating the efficiency expert.

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

a new hire signing a loyalty oath

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"Please feel free to browse."

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"All the way from the new home in Rye just so she can sniff our old doorman."

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

You've Got Mail

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'Mr. Bigmeister likes to start each meeting with the pledge of allegiance.'

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

'When you play hard to get you really mean it, don't you?'

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

"I married for contrast."

"Must that dog follow you everywhere?"