Legacy Strategist Pillows

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Good old Frank. He was always thinking of others."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Dating the efficiency expert.

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

'One day, this will all be your fault.'

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

'When you play hard to get you really mean it, don't you?'

'One day, after they unfreeze my DNA, this will all be mine again.'

'Pay no attention, they are a couple of ex husbands.'

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.

"I married for contrast."

"Someday, this will all go into your pre-nuptial agreement."

'For those with particularly ungrateful children,the inheritance tax can be a comfort.'

Battering ram is a giant key to unlock castle doors.

'...assuming the numbers are right, ask her to marry you.'

The only time you are actually too old to follow your dreams.

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

Cupid Takes it Up a Notch

'I'm thinking of marrying Jim. But first, I have to engineer an introduction to him....'