Longevity Strategist Pillows

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

Environmentalist Brainstorm

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Population rocket

401K

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

The Transition Oz team on their way to Totnes to get advice on Reskilling, Transport, Oil Dependancy and overcoming Post Petroleum Stress Disorder.

That's Seven in Human Years

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

'This new 'mentoring' policy is a wonderful idea...It gives staff the chances to take on significant extra responsibilities in relation to staff support and supervision.'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

Pension planning for Brexit

Did You Know That...Scientists in Illinois, USA, claim we would live a longer life if we were more like elves?