Loyalty Detector Pillows

"This is Mr. Simmons, who we enticed away from our chief competitor. Of course, being a proven traitor, he can never be trusted."

Others will fight for you

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

You've Got Mail

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

'Fetching your slippers when you were chairman of the board was one thing, but now that you're an ordinary citizen...'

"I know he is now our richest client but he is very loyal!"

"As a reward for 25 years of faithful service, here's your new cubical...it's 8% bigger!"

The whole club stands behind the coach...

"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce

A hunter has a dream that his dog has brought a game warden to punish him.

'Uh oh, looks like he had a tough day at the office: Let's jump around to cheer him up...'

Dog following it's master out of a windows.

'That's 12 games in a row. As my best friend, it wouldn't kill you to let me win one every once in awhile.'

Punch Card: 'The next divorce is on me.'

'How do you think my appeal for loyalty went?'

"I'm beginning to wonder if McDonald and his dog were quite as close as we were led to believe."

'I'm a frequent flier, so it's really quite cheap.'

"Are you a platinum card member?"

'It's not exactly 'cheap' healthcare, but for each test we run, you accumulate frequent-test reward points.'

'He was a very good dog.'

'All those years you struggled financially, I stood by you. It's my turn for a little piece of the pie.'

'My wife's left me for a man with more Nectar points...'

"After we got Buster fixed, he no longer wants to be our best friend."

Is there anything you want to say to me? Get back to work? I pay you too much? I can hire a migrant worker for half your pay and he won't complain to me in English? And he probably won't be loyal to you and this cafe for 20 years. Twenty years. Twenty years. It's your 20-year anniversary? I'm assuming that's the extent of your acknowledgment of this momentous occasion, and I should not expect a cake. You may have a day-old cruller for half price.

"He has a lot of followers on Twitter, but we're the only ones who follow him in real life."

"Uh, oh, I forgot this is evaluation day..."