Loyalty Detector Pillows

"This is Mr. Simmons, who we enticed away from our chief competitor. Of course, being a proven traitor, he can never be trusted."

Others will fight for you

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

You've Got Mail

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

'Fetching your slippers when you were chairman of the board was one thing, but now that you're an ordinary citizen...'

A hunter has a dream that his dog has brought a game warden to punish him.

"As a reward for 25 years of faithful service, here's your new cubical...it's 8% bigger!"

"I know he is now our richest client but he is very loyal!"

'Uh oh, looks like he had a tough day at the office: Let's jump around to cheer him up...'

The whole club stands behind the coach...

Dog following it's master out of a windows.

"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce

'That's 12 games in a row. As my best friend, it wouldn't kill you to let me win one every once in awhile.'

Punch Card: 'The next divorce is on me.'

'It's not exactly 'cheap' healthcare, but for each test we run, you accumulate frequent-test reward points.'

'He was a very good dog.'

'I'm a frequent flier, so it's really quite cheap.'

'How do you think my appeal for loyalty went?'

'All those years you struggled financially, I stood by you. It's my turn for a little piece of the pie.'

"After we got Buster fixed, he no longer wants to be our best friend."

"Are you a platinum card member?"

"Still, Edgar, you were loyal longer than most, and I'd like to thank you for that."