Loves Surreal Humor Gifts

"Larry! Swine flu!"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Antlers: A Deer with Ants for Antlers.

"Bad news. Our heads aren't lightbulbs."

Newton Discovers Surrealism.

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

"Let us recall the parable of Jesus turning the other tentacle."

"Tell me more about the voices in your neck."

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

A Grazing Shark

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."

'Allow me to suck the electricity out.'

Wearing radiation suits to clean the toilet

A bunch of human artists are painting a skull which is sitting on a stool, while a nearby tree is painting the stool.

Museum Guard Portrait

"The doctors...say...they've never...seen...another case quite...like...it."

"It's good luck."

'I think we've finally managed to cure your hallucinations.'

"All we seem to be catching is little ones. We must be too close to their spawning grounds."

An artist waits to ambush an easel

A postal worker opens a bag of air mail.

Man Exchanges Heads In Desk Trays

Meter Maid

'Oh, that's out piano tuna.'

Apple white paint results in pictures of apples.

'Eleven foot poles - For things you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole...'

"That was one strange and confusing competition."

'Your attention everybody! -- There's a 'severe foot watch' in effect until four o'clock this afternoon.'

'Hmm... The weather report says we're going to get a foot of snow!'

Fish in the Rain

We never talk anymore, Lars. That's because it always ends the same way. You say, "Polly want a cracker." I give you a cracker. I try to shift the conversation to other topics, but you ask for another cracker again and again. 30 or 40 crackers later, you vomit and go to bed.

"No I didn't fly here. I drove."

Scream Shrink

"And now - Tomas de Torquemada, you have two minutes on your specialized subject; 'The sketches of Monty Python...'"

Therapist's Swatter