Loves Absurd Humor Gifts

'May I see some photo ID?'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Now you can send it."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Boomerang cow.

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

Franz Kafka

Operation.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Baseball.

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

UFO and snowman

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

"Larry! Swine flu!"

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

A Centaur Taking A Shower

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'