Loves Absurd Humor Pillows

We never talk anymore, Lars. That's because it always ends the same way. You say, "Polly want a cracker." I give you a cracker. I try to shift the conversation to other topics, but you ask for another cracker again and again. 30 or 40 crackers later, you vomit and go to bed.

'May I see some photo ID?'

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Now you can send it."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

Boomerang cow.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

Franz Kafka

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

UFO and snowman

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

Operation.

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Baseball.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"Larry! Swine flu!"

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

That's It

This is awkward, but I need to ask if you'd like to donate your body to science.

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"