Lovers Of Medieval Tales Gifts

'I'm drawing up a contingency plan just in case -- how would you like to drive the getaway car?'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

'This bottle of whisky will give you 'Dutch courage', it's the best I can do.'

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

"But I only restarted it three minutes ago."

David Anderson vs. Goliath

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

"Good King Worcestershire looked out on the feast of Stephen..."

Friendly Troll.

"He's really gone uphill, hasn't he?"

'Bo-Peep was fed-up with losing us all the time, so she has us all wear these radio-locator collars now.'

"I'd like something smaller – something with fewer walls to defend."

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

Dragon BBQs.

Fighting dragons is tough, but the worst part of this job is getting dressed on a cold morning!

Man and lady at a dance

A bearded man holding a sword

'Dungeons aren't SUPPOSED to be user-friendly!'

"A couple more sieges and I'll go into political commentary."

Ingoldsby Legends - Page Boy Drowned in Barrel

'What I like about working for Castle.com is the long term stability.'

"Sire. I fear that we shall have to turn back. He has a hi-vis vest and a road cone."

Dragons eating a knight - 'Once you get the shell off they're delicious!'

'The Merry Men are NOT groupies!'

'Hold everything! - He hasn't paid his taxes yet!'

'That's how you deal with Saint George wannabes, son.'

'A message from the barbarians, sire. They don't want to lay siege. They just want to shoot some hoops.'

'Same comments every year,,,why do we even enter'

"...But, seriously...."

'So you fall behind the tortoise in the 2nd lap. I don't care if you sleep, trip, have a brain haemorrhage. Just make it look real. You fall behind, bunny. Got it?'