Lover Of Medieval Lore Gifts

"You should have thought about that earlier."

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

Lady of the bath...

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

Joust Sharpener

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

"I believe I you, Bigfoot."

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

"I'm sorry, this is all very embarrassing but we've decided to open a pub together."

"But I only restarted it three minutes ago."

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

Mermaids

A knight struggling to fit into his armour

"Good King Worcestershire looked out on the feast of Stephen..."

"The road head is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

'I'm drawing up a contingency plan just in case -- how would you like to drive the getaway car?'

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

'I'm Smallfoot, Bigfoot's cousin!'

Friendly Troll.

A knight dragging an unwilling maiden

'He's been like that since he pulled the sword out of the stone.'

"I'd like something smaller – something with fewer walls to defend."

"Dragons were never out of style."

'There's no business like show business.'

Hilarion

Night of the Round Tables

"They call me wicked but knights are my only source of protein."

Oh, don't hurt it. Can't you trap it under a glass, or something?'

Dragon BBQs.

"A couple more sieges and I'll go into political commentary."

'Dungeons aren't SUPPOSED to be user-friendly!'

'End the war? Are you kidding? He's not even at peace with himself.'