Lover Of Showbiz Quirks Gifts

'I told you Ko-ko that you don't have to even think of retirement - the phone stopped ringing for you years ago!'

Showbiz Awards

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Music Hall Dancers

"Is the garbage fresh?"

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

Hollywood producer.

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

'I'm a star!'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Animal Actors

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

TV stage door

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

'You showbiz types can never make intelligent conversation!'

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

"Those who can can, dance."

"Looks like Broadway's back."

Live the Dream!

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

"You may now phony show-biz kiss the bride."

'This next song is about setting boundaries, and how now I wish I had.'