Lover Of Sarcastic Jokes Pillows

'Enter my Pin! D'you think it might possibly not have occurred to me that that's what I need to do next?'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

Exciting potato bugs.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Redhead

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

How About Serving Us For a Change

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Men working (part time).

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'Of course this makes your old masters al look now so very contrived.'

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

'He lost his whistle,'

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

Leaders must focus on strategic planning and desired results."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

"It floated. I want my money back."

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

"We understand each other and respect each other's privacy." "That cat hates me."

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

Welcome to Yosemite, Hell on Earth!

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

I'm buying last year's car today with next year's money.

Know-it-alls

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"