Lover Of Sarcastic Jokes Pillows

'Enter my Pin! D'you think it might possibly not have occurred to me that that's what I need to do next?'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Redhead

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

Men working (part time).

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

"It floated. I want my money back."

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

Leaders must focus on strategic planning and desired results."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

'He lost his whistle,'

"We understand each other and respect each other's privacy." "That cat hates me."

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

Welcome to Yosemite, Hell on Earth!

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

I'm buying last year's car today with next year's money.

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

Know-it-alls