Lover Of Metaphors T-Shirts

"Well, it looks like the shit finally hit the fan. So, who wants to lick the blades?"

"How are we going to explain this?"

'You say the Parade of Life passed you by?', 'Yes, and the clowns were laughing at me!'

'I looked back once when I was alive. Things were a lot closer than they appeared!'

Ink Pen

Reading my Critics

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

A Poem about Sand

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

Out of control

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

Rats deserting a sinking ship

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

"Naturally you have trouble getting in touch with your innermost feelings. You're a hollow choclate bunny."

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

'If this thing starts to snowball it will catch fire all across the country.'

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

"What a day, I swam with the sharks, ran with the bears and wreastled with the bulls..."

If poets wrote road signs.

"now let's try one without the tusks."

Dangling Carrots

"The elephant is in the OTHER room. I want to talk about the PENGUIN in the room."

'I had a nest egg once, but I sat on it too long, and ended up with nothing but a frozen asset.'

"Well, I guess the bubble has burst over at Phillips Rodny Associates."