Lover Of Funny Comics Gifts

"Me, after years of begging, I was finally allowed into the house yesterday. You know what, it was kind of a letdown..."

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'The environmental impact should be minimal. In any event, we can work around it.'

Vote for me...I'm not that guy!

IRS, 'Two jobs? -- Oh, the greedy type, eh?'

"You must be the demolition team."

New chess piece: Cat - It can go wherever it wants, or not go anywhere at all.

Aristophanes

"Mind if I have the guys over to watch some poker?"

'However, the jurors unanimously agreed that Blogojevich is the politician with the best hair!'

"Wow, is this the new bomb blast express drone delivery service?"

'Don't use the sauce-it's insulting to the chef.'

'Do you have a reservation?'

"Incorrect postage, wrong zip code...it's your type we encourage to use email!"

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"I mean, have you tried not being an Elephant?"

Sleeping Fish.

Superheroes queue for medicine.

'...Dewey, you go long. I'll take th snap and... Ohhhh, man! Who just sprayed?'

Baseball signs.

'Don't worry -- he's a trained professional.'

"We have an exceptionally loyal workforce."

"I'm away one night and you're shaking up with teh foreman packer!"

"Come in, minion. I found an old Lemont Brown article from Candorville.com, where he wrote about Dolores Park in San Francisco. For a brief and glorious time, you'd have to pay the city up to $250 to reserve a patch of grass. If anyone trespassed on your grass, security guards would roust them. It was the biggest breakthrough in the separation of the classes in ages. I'm going to make all our booths and toilets paid-reservation-only. Very bad man."

Honest Harry's Last Chance Pet Adoption...

'Snake eyes or no snake eyes, the tall, skinny guy at the end of the table wins again.'