Lover Of Christmas Humor Pillows

"Bearing in mind that Santa has fact checkers, have you been a good little boy?"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Elfie Stick

Try me/try me/try me...

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

'He's got your nose.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

Santa's Helpers

"I noticed a few browns."

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'