Lover Of Abstraction T-Shirts

"Don't tell me you're JEALOUS,darling?"

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Instructional guide to scribbling

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

The Thought Process.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

It's a call from Tate modern.

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

'Projectile painting.'

Pastorius wonders why.

"You're welcome."

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Jackson Pollock Studio

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"Feel better, dear?"

"Vanessa has done a not bad de Kooning."

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

I painted them all from memory.

Art Gallery.

Lots of famous art may have been inspired by taxes. Jackson Pollack's "Number 5" could be a visual representation of global regulations. And perhaps Rodin's "The Thinker" is a man trying to understand those rules. Maybe Roy Lichtenstein's "Ohhh ... Alright ..." shows a woman being told to continue holding to get her tax question answered. And they there's Edvard Munch's "The Scream" ... Nothing makes you feel like that more than preparing a tax return!

Surreal ale

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

"It's wonderful, darling. It really says Manhattan."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"She said it has a blistering fervency that reminds her of a slide."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"Wentworth, could I take another look at that reorganization plan?"