Lovelorn Laugh-seeker Pillows

'Your wife got the house, but I did manage to get you custody of the mortgage payments.'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Bad fake tan day.

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"That'll be five bucks."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

"Projectile hairballing."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"What did Jesus order?"

Drunk Barber

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

he used to belong to a cartoonist

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"I've always wanted to do this - 'knock, knock...who's there?'"

Football heads...

Bald Man Overcomb

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

"Ok. . . who added the yellow?"