Lounge Singer T-Shirts

'This next one is about a man, a woman, a really, really, big-screen TV, and a mountain of credit card debt.'

"I've had a request. Nonetheless, here's another song."

Lion Choir.

Singer and Pianist.

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"This little song is made up of all my passwords. Hope you like it."

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Lennon and McCartney.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

Omara Portuondo

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

A Fairytale Update

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

Anna Calvi

EWE 2.

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

George Michael

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

"That is an outrageous slur."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"I remember him before he was getting hte winter fuel allowance."

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson.

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.