Lotr Enthusiast Gifts

'There's a wizard, three hobbits and an elf out here inquiring about a ring.'

Boss? Why've you been calling me "Sauron" all day? It's a hero's journey thing. Step 8, to be exact: The Ordeal. In the ordeal, the hero of the story faces a pivotal test of either strength or will. In Lord of the Rings, the ordeal was the face-off with Sauron. But why'd you start calling me that right after I asked for a raise? Denied, foul beast! ... Now, let me check my bank account for Step 9: The Reward.

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"No Frodo, we are still many leagues from Mordor. This is from a wildfire by I-5 west of Bakersfield."

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

Super-Tia makes Mal de Ojo undo its curse!

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

'How can you say I'm a bad actress, Tarzan?'

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"I tried running in gyms, but nothing gets me motivated like running towards a love interest...."

"I've invented the wheel. We're going to be rich."

Lord of the Rings: Two Towels

When we said we wanted you to have more fun training we didn't mean THAT much fun.

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

"The patient is ready for his injections, doctor."

Custer's Last Rollo

"How's your lowrider blog going?"

'These online fantasy worlds are great fun. I can be ‘Dave the Accountant' from Birmingham.'

Mermaids

Romance/Love at first sight.

God and Adam's first date.

"Red 14...No, it's black 23, no, no..it's..."

Magus

"I don’t know, Phil … my gut tells me she’ll drive you nuts."

"I can tell—you like my being a little out of control!"

"I know I'm suppose to be a customer but what kind of customer...am I tortured, am I HAPPY? What's my MOTIVATION?"

Loch Ness.

"Better watch it, Sheriff. It's said this guy's dang near impossible to shoot and no jail can hold 'im."

'I'm Smallfoot, Bigfoot's cousin!'

Let's do a little role-playing, Al. You play the crazy guy who's rambling on and on about nothing, and I'll play the psychiatrist who's taking a nap.

Before the invention of writing, ancient wisdom was passed down the generations orally, through the art of storytelling.

Dragon roasts a chicken impaled on a knight's sword.

This guy's wife got a second job to buy him a fresh pair of spoke rims for his 1959 Impala. Talk about true love."

Davey Crockett passed his bar exam.

"Dragons were never out of style."