Lost-and-found Attendant Gifts

Lost and found - 'Can you desribe it?' (Queen being asked having lost her crown).

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

Bureau of Missing Persons

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

'I seem to be on the range but 'home' is proving illusive.'

'I work at a school's Lost Property Office: I track down the owners of lost items...'

'It's too wet for walkies and I can't find my boots!'

Fire Backwards.

Directions.

Working from home.

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

'Next time, spring for a little more, and get a GOOD GPS'

Lost dog/Lost Sheep posters

'Even if I did know what SEO was - what's wrong with washing cars for a bit of extra pocket money.'

'Mom, Dad. . . remember that day you sent me to law school and I got lost?'

Undergarments drying on washing line propped up with lance.

Dave could never work out how he lost his nose stud.

'Our dog needs a bath too.'

"Mittens found it! It was stuck in the sofa."

'Why do you keep watering it, Dad? - It's not going to grow larger!'

"I can't find my stupid phone, so leave a message..."

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

'Well it didn't get up and walk away by itself.'

'It's from the bloke on the other island. It reads; Help. I'm stranded on a desert island.'

'Sooner or later we'll have to cross their picket line.' (Ladies and Gentlemen toilet signs on strike).

"Sorry I'm late. It took me forever to find this place."

"Where have you been?"

'If I knew exactly where I lost his insulin - it would not be lost - would it!?!'

'I'm sure the people who live around here will know where we are.'

"Amazing - the event horizon of a black hole!"

"Did you remember to tip the doorman?"

Bo Peep at the Lost & Found

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