Lost-and-found Attendant Gifts

Lost and found - 'Can you desribe it?' (Queen being asked having lost her crown).

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

'It's too wet for walkies and I can't find my boots!'

Bureau of Missing Persons

'I seem to be on the range but 'home' is proving illusive.'

'I work at a school's Lost Property Office: I track down the owners of lost items...'

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

Directions.

Working from home.

'Next time, spring for a little more, and get a GOOD GPS'

'Even if I did know what SEO was - what's wrong with washing cars for a bit of extra pocket money.'

Dave could never work out how he lost his nose stud.

'Our dog needs a bath too.'

Undergarments drying on washing line propped up with lance.

"Mittens found it! It was stuck in the sofa."

'Mom, Dad. . . remember that day you sent me to law school and I got lost?'

'Why do you keep watering it, Dad? - It's not going to grow larger!'

'Well it didn't get up and walk away by itself.'

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"I can't find my stupid phone, so leave a message..."

'It's from the bloke on the other island. It reads; Help. I'm stranded on a desert island.'

'Sooner or later we'll have to cross their picket line.' (Ladies and Gentlemen toilet signs on strike).

"Sorry I'm late. It took me forever to find this place."

"Where have you been?"

'If I knew exactly where I lost his insulin - it would not be lost - would it!?!'

"Amazing - the event horizon of a black hole!"

'I'm sure the people who live around here will know where we are.'

'And as your tour guide, I'd like to point out that we're completely lost.'

Bo Peep at the Lost & Found

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