Loss Prevention Officer Gifts

'So Mr. Smith. . . how exactly are you 'uniquely talented' in the field of shoplifting prevention?'

"Thank you for shoplifting with us."

Home Shoplifting Network.

'I'll need those seven empty candy bar wrappers you threw on the floor for the scanner.'

"You can swipe this model."

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"I know. I miss him, too."

Lost Property - Missing Head

Pick one: ounce of prevention or pound of cure.

Broken Heart

"He had a full two weeks."

'Remember son: not a borrower but a lender be.'

''On behalf of my colleagues I wanted to let you know that we are all crying inside.''

Pickles the Clown: Son of Bonzo and Gwen. A Pro to the End.

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"We're from Neighborhood Watch. We'd like to see some I.D."

'Could I have a loan a cup of sugar please?'

'Just a minute while I pull up your file.'

You think you're good, eh? Okay, you've got the lost and found windo at the Kleptomaniac's Convention.

Loan trap

"He was the finest bluesman I knew..."

'Okay, fine. . . Then could you just spread the money out on your desk so I can see what it would've looked like?'

A grave with an array of beauty products

"Your husband died from medical malpractice, but it may comfort you to know that brain surgery is always risky...even when the doctor doesn't have a hangover."

"You've suffered a loss and you need time to grieve, also, tomorrow the market may turn around."

"What we really need is a long term quick fix."

'Oh he's my loans officer.'

The night

"Don't worry, dear, we'll find your wedding ring."

Flight attendant looking out a lighted window.

'I'm very proud of what he achieved during his life.'

'I need to upgrade my 32 screens to digital so I'd like to borrow all you've got.'