Longevity Fan Gifts

'The secret to my longevity? Lying about my age, of course!'

Animal Crackers. It says, "Expiration date: Cats - Oct., 2017. Dogs - April, 2019. Tortoises - Jan., 2070".

37 years in the same position.

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Man...You age great!'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"He's got a great future behind him!"

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

That's Seven in Human Years

Music to their ears.

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

'I roll it ahead of me, and anything it hits goes into my famous Road Kill Stew.'

Caveman bathroom

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

Did You Know That...Scientists in Illinois, USA, claim we would live a longer life if we were more like elves?

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"